Did not think I will return to blogging with a topic as this. But I am thinking that if this did light a bulb in my head and pumped enough blood in my systems to make my fingers type this one out as a blog; then this will probably be best summarisation of what my mind has been thinking for the past 'I donno how many months'.
A recap to trace what 'probably' triggered such a thought process... I was a happy student when I got to know that I got a job in my first inerview. Frustrated when was on bench (as they call it in my profession - for being without work) for about a year. Excited when I got my first project. Tired and Frustrated with the way the Project was carried out. Relaxed and felt a sense of significant contribution when I completed my first project. Happy and hopeful when I started out on my second project. (Tired, frustrated and Demotivated) as well as (Motivated and Proud) at different times during the course of that project depending on either failing to change what I thought was incorrect around me or when I did make a difference by the work I did.
I am amazed at how the world can have these two kinds of people co-exist - the idealist and the realist. I think I began as a an idealist and am finding it very difficult to make the right choice of adjective to what explains my current state - 'matured or corrupted'. Matured - indicative of the part of me which is content that I have 'finally' got the sense to 'understand' the real world and fit myself in that. Corrupted - indicative of the guilt in me for having failed the idealist and perfectionist in me; dancing to the tunes of the world around me.
However, I do realise that while I 'think' that I will be able to settle down to any one of these position, I 'probably' might never be able to. I am not sure if that is the way we were designed to be or its a malfunction in with me.
A little while back I was having a conversation with a friend about the makers of fastest car in the world - Koenigsegg and contrasted that with Toyota which is now the world's largest manufacturer of automobiles. Both are achievers. One is the at the pinnacle of design, creativity and out there to challenge the kinetics while the other is setting precedent in the business of mass scale automobile manufacturing influencing a significant percentage of the world's population. This I think of :apple or microsoft ; a.r rahman or himesh reshammiya and the likes. Simply stating a choice between 'perfectionist' and 'popular'.
I can't think of any logic which can explain the irony in us being always taught to be ideal but end up 'realizing' the need of being real. ( You will know what I mean if you recall what u learnt in school and then try to apply them in your everyday life today. ) The idealists hang in there come what may, don't care about the benefits/loss they will reap cos the satisfaction they derive out of their creativity is more addictive than the scent of money/fame. These will eventually come to them. To make a choice as theirs is difficult not because its difficult but because more than half of the world thinks its difficult. So what should a person, in pursuit of building the world's fastest car, be treated as - guilty or smart, for lowering the bar he set for himself in begginning and raise it in a totally different area which allows him to sustain and manufacture stuff which sells? Is it smart/wrong to take the practical/easy way and think of survival than accomplishing what you thought was your belief to be done as 'right'?
Everyone goes through this period and 'seemingly' settles down into either categories of ppl. And thats what amazes me bout the way world works - a quite set of ppl who disprove all notions/fears of the greater majority of ppl and then have this greater majority of ppl who 'know' that they understand the way world works and plan every steps around this fact, with the aim of surviving and enjoying the simple pleasures of life. The world continues to exist with these 2 kinds of people and I wonder if ever a question is asked to either of them "Do you know what you seek in life?" that they both know the answers - Koenigsegg as well as Toyota. As for ppl like me, heres how it probably looks like :
So many emotions/questions/confusion within my self; so much that I wished 'should happen'; so much that I actually 'made happen'. The idealist in me seeking to solved this riddle; the realist in me wanting to 'finally' complete this long pending blog.
I am a different person from the start of this journey to where I stand now. May sound cliched but seldom do people realize, that with every single passing day, they can sense having discovered that one more hidden thing about themselves and be conscious of a yet another change in thier 'self', in response to the knowledge of that realization which is asking them this question again and again : Ideal or Real; having to decide to go either ways every single time. I did; am still doing. Will I be continuing this way?? Haven't got the slightest cue.
Have you figured it out yet ?
